The new "cool" thing

In the 80's it was "cool" thing to have a plastic charm necklace or play atari all night to have the highest score in space invaders or play pacman on the CRT monitor to pass all levels. If you are from the 90's it was considered cool to have a fake id, wear wide baggy leg pants, have a mullet,vhs taps and listen to spice gals, boyzone,Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Vanilla ice. ....The list goes on. You get the idea.

These days people think having a "twitter" account or the new iphone is "cool" . Think again. The politicians and bureaucrats have their own trend "political scandal's" a.k.a extra martial affair. And surprisingly its getting them lot of millage. Its considered cool to have an extra maratial affair. Its almost like a highlight on the political resume.

Since the biggest scandal of all times broke in 1998 (you remember the Bill Clinton- Monical Lewinsky saga) there is never a shortage of politicians come up on the big stage and denouncing.


(source:http://www.overthehillcarpeople.com/Monica%20Lewinsky.jpg)

It seems the bureaucrats are talking amongst themselves "Oh you haven't admitted you have an extra martial affair...oh come on all the cool politicians are doing it, you gotta have a press conference and announce you were married for zillion years but you had a girl friend for trillion years"

The latest to join South Carolina Governor Mark Stanford, who admitted affair with a Argentine woman. Way to go. You top the list not only coz you are the most recent but you went international. Kudos my friend.

According to Wikipedia (almost official book keeper of scandals) there have been 35 recorded instances of "coolness" between 2000-2009. Versus 10 between 1900-1999. Way to go 21st century. We are way ahead of the 90's. So i thought i'd honor some of the noteable scandals of the last decade. (Oscar style)

The newest-kid-on-the-block award goes to
Mark Sanford Governor (R-SC) admitted during a press conference on June 24, 2009, that he had traveled to Argentina to have an extra-marital affair with an Argentinean woman. He then resigned as head of the Southern Governors Association.(2009)

The Hypocrisy-in-scandals award goes to
John Ensign Senator (R-NV) resigned his position on June 16, 2009 after admitting he had an affair with Cynthia Hampton the wife of a close friend, both of whom were working on his campaign. In 1998 Senator Ensign had called for President Clinton (D) to resign after admitting to sexual acts with Monica Lewinsky. (2009)

The Motor-city-award goes to
Kwame Kilpatrick (D) Detroit Mayor, accused of extramarital affair with his Chief-of-Staff, Christine Beatty. Racy text messages between them uncovered by the press contradicted their sworn denials of an affair. Also alleged to have stayed at the Grove Park Inn in Asheville, NC with a woman named Carmen Slowsky, who was not his wife (2008)

The Big-Apple-award goes to
Eliot Spitzer (D) Governor of New York used the Emperors Club VIP prostitution service to meet $1000/ night escorts. No charges were filed since no public funds were used, though he resigned anyway. (2008)

The Bathroom award goes to
Larry Craig (R-ID) - pled guilty to disorderly conduct in a Minneapolis airport men's room in June, after having been arrested on a charge of lewd conduct (2007)

The Broke-back-mountain award goes to
Jim McGreevey (D) Governor of New Jersey, married man ....admitted that he had an extramarital affair with the man he appointed as homeland security advisor.

The Grandfather-of-all-scandals
Bill Clinton President (D-AR) .....I don't think i need to write anything.

All-in-da-family aka affair with staff member award(s)
Marc Dann (D) Attorney General of Ohio, after sexual harassment charges were brought against staffers Leo Jennings and Anthony Gutierrez, Dann admitted he too had an affair with a staff member. Resigned May 14, 2008
Gavin Newsom (D) Mayor of San Francisco, California, extramarital affair with wife of campaign manager and former deputy chief-of-staff Alex Tourk (2007)
Steven C. LaTourette (R-OH) accused of an affair with staffer Jennifer Laptook, whom he subsequently married.(2003)

Some honorable mentions
John Edwards Senator (D-NC) Ran for the presidential nomination against Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton positioning himself as an honest, family values candidate. This position was seriously undercut when he admitted to an affair with Rielle Hunter. (2008)
(Source:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_scandals_of_the_United_States#Sex_scandals)

To see the whole list click here

Luck or Skill... You decide

Taste of India

Dont we Indians love our food. Check out the fav food distribution in India
(Thanks Jigs for the pic)

The worst prediction of 2008 (revisited)

Sometime in early 2008 BW published the "The Worst Predictions About 2008". (Don't know how i missed it).
Anyways, so i thought i will revisit it. So here it goes...

1. "A very powerful and durable rally is in the works. But it may need another couple of days to lift off. Hold the fort and keep the faith!" —Richard Band, editor, Profitable Investing Letter, Mar. 27, 2008

At the time of the prediction, the Dow Jones industrial average was at 12,300. By late December it was at 8,500

Huh. Actually he was right. The rally was in works....It just was heading downwards...Don't beat yourself buddy, you had the right idea. The direction was just off.


2. AIG (AIG) "could have huge gains in the second quarter." —Bijan Moazami, analyst, Friedman, Billings, Ramsey, May 9, 2008

AIG..We all know what happened. Besides hes right AIG had HUGE gains. It got $150 billion worth TARP money. Hurray.

3. "I think this is a case where Freddie Mac (FRE) and Fannie Mae (FNM) are fundamentally sound. They're not in danger of going under…I think they are in good shape going forward." —Barney Frank (D-Mass.), House Financial Services Committee chairman, July 14, 2008

lol. Really. "fundamentally sound" . Wow. Around July 2008 FRE was $17.90 and FNM was 19.78. Right now they both are around $0.70. Do the math

4. "I'm not an economist but I do believe that we're growing." —President George W. Bush, in a July 15, 2008 press conference

Nope. Gross domestic product shrank at a 0.5% annual rate in the July-September quarter

I think what he meant was we are growing our debt. We are close to trillion dollars. See dint we grow from trillion to billion

5. “I think Bob Steel’s the one guy I trust to turn this bank around, which is why I’ve told you on weakness to buy Wachovia.” —Jim Cramer, CNBC commentator, Mar. 11, 2008

Two weeks later, Wachovia came within hours of failure as depositors fled. Steel eventually agreed to a takeover by Wells Fargo. Wachovia shares lost half their value from Sept. 15 to Dec. 29.

After the Bear Stearns call, Mr.Cramer you have left a lot of us speechless. Here is Bear Sterns re-re-re-visited

6. "Existing-Home Sales to Trend Up in 2008" —Headline of a National Association of Realtors press release, Dec. 9, 2007

On Dec. 23, 2008, the group said November sales were running at an annual rate of 4.5 million—down 11% from a year earlier—in the worst housing slump since the Depression

The best way to describe the above is when i was reading this morning the headline on CNN "Even Tim Geithner Can't Sell His Own Home" ...Really Timmy G. The Treasury Secretary...LOL

7. "I think you'll see [oil prices at] $150 a barrel by the end of the year" —T. Boone Pickens, June 20, 2008

Oil was then around $135 a barrel. By late December it was below $40.

This is actually the first prediction i like. $60 gas. Not bad.

8. "I expect there will be some failures. … I don't anticipate any serious problems of that sort among the large internationally active banks that make up a very substantial part of our banking system." —Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve chairman, Feb. 28, 2008

In September, Washington Mutual became the largest financial institution in U.S. history to fail. Citigroup (C) needed an even bigger rescue in November.

Well the term "some" is loosely attached. Apart from GM and Lehman, Here is a list of banks below that failed is also called as "some"

9. "In today's regulatory environment, it's virtually impossible to violate rules." —Bernard Madoff, money manager, Oct. 20, 2007

About a year later, Madoff—who once headed the Nasdaq Stock Market—told investigators he had cost his investors $50 billion in an alleged Ponzi scheme.

10. "There's growing evidence that parts of the debt markets…are coming back to life." —Peter Coy and Mara Der Hovanesian, BusinessWeek, Oct. 1, 2007.

In optimism we trust.

I have learned a new skill these days. Its called "how-to-be-optimistic-even-in-this-recession". Economists have urged the public to not use the "R-word", but i am going to defy them. (Brave me). People have gone through some tough times this recession; my heart goes out to them. But I have learned to look at a silver lining in this dark cloud

How so? Mainly though Wall Street, banks and CEO's. They keep my optimistic spirit high. Huh what? How?

"Earlier this week, The Financial Times reported Bank of America (BofA) needed to raise about $10 billion as a result of the stress tests. The FT's report was "completely inaccurate," a bank spokesman told Reuters."

This got my spirits high. Wow good news: The bank does not need $10 billion.They are self sufficient.The good days are back.....but wait..."The FT dramatically underestimated BofA's capital needs, which are closer to $34 billion. " (34B more... you gotta be kidding me)

...Don’t be disheartened yet. There is good news in the bad news.

You think this is a case of underestimation. BofA thinks otherwise. They think its over-estimation. CEO Ken Lewis thinks this is "good news because $33.9 billion is less than the $45 billion on TARP funds the government has pledged to the bank. "I knew optimism would work. This is fantastic.

Let me decode the above for you

BofA: We have great news. We dont need $10B
Tax payer: yeahhhh
BofA: We dont need 10B. We now need $34B
Tax payer: You sneaky $%#%^^#
BofA: Look Mr. Tax payer, its good coz 34 B less than the $45B you (TARP funds) promised to owe me. (So now we'll have 11 B surplus. TOGA parties!).

I am not trying to batter the banks or the system, there are enough analysts doing it. (For the record i hate the TARP and the bail out, but that’s me). I am just trying to laugh at the so called "good news". BofA you are a big bank. You serve clients in over 150 countries. My desi hommies have multiple accounts. But if you continue this way there will be more sites like http://www.bankofamericasucks.com/.

It’s been a rough year for all of us. But it almost seems that grammar adjectives I learned in high school, good-better-best has changed to totally sucks-bad-good. I think we are looking for "better". Oh but the Wall Street "better" is different that we all think. I mean look at the news I was watching on TV

Citigroup Inc. reported its smallest loss since 2007. The bank on Friday posted a first-quarter loss to common shareholders of $966 million after massive loan losses and dividends. The results were better than expected.

Once again a perfect example of looking at the positive in the dark hour. Now do you agree? Don’t look at the $966 mil loss or thousands of employees laid off....look at the better than expected.

I had an old email with good/bad news jokes which i found in my inbox. I think they perfectly which fit the situation. But then what do i know........

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: I have some good news and some bad news.
Husband: What's the good news?
Wife: The good news is I found a picture that's worth $500,000.
Husband: Wow! That's wonderful! What's the bad news?
Wife: The bad news is that the picture is of you and your secretary!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news.
Client: Well, give me the bad news first.
Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene
Client: Oh no! I'm ruined! What's the good news?
Lawyer: The good news is your cholesterol is down to 130!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wife: I have bad news. I lost my wallet
Husband: Really. I have good news
Wife: What
Husband: My Credit card won’t be maxed out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Consulting and perspectives

Being in consulting has taught me some very valuable lessons. It has made me realize the importance of the 3 C's in consulting...Customer, Customer, Customer and Customer (Oh, so that’s 4 C's ..Damn it I should have paid attention in the math class). The age old mantra "Customer is always right" is tweaked and remixed in consulting. It goes something like "Customer is always right, when they exactly do as I say"

Being in consulting you get to experience the good, bad and ugly of every business . Not only the perspectives are different within an organization but sometimes they are two ends of a spectrum. My favorite part of consulting is not the challenges i face while solving an issue but trying to bridge the gap between the members of the same organization a.k.a "My Customers"


A CFO's perspective almost reminds of me the McDonald's commercial.



"What can i get for a dollar". Its almost seems to be their favorite Q (and I don't blame them).

The response to that is very different, depending on who is giving the answer. If you'd ask the sales guy...He would say "we can get it way under your budget; for $0.99* instead of the whole dollar."
(* of course that means we will off shore the project and get it done for $0.10)
If the CFO asked me the same Q, I would say that "we can further save $0.01 by using cost saving methodologies*.
(*which means, my team cant expense their lunch and I will work from home)

A CTO's perspective is varied from other management heads. He goes mainly like, "how can we get the cutting edge technology out there, improve efficiency, and build software that should be intuitive for any user". By that he really means get me something which is newer than a super computer technology, build software that will solve all my business needs and something my agonizingly painful users can use w/0 asking too many Q's.

Now the tech sales guy would promise a Intel neon quad core i7 processor with 23 Total Compute Nodes (14,336 Total Cores) with 28,672GB Ram and a never ending disk space with RAID and a 27x7 availability. Also free license of Linux loaded on top of Vista which runs on Solaris.(
I on the other hand would have to say the same above things (since the sales guy already promised that and that's how we got the contract). But would have also added that "we can build a bug free, highly scalable enterprise software solution from some in house reusable software assets which are very user friendly and improve efficiency in business."

(By that i mean we are going to use open source software which is in pre-alpha-beta-theta version and while we are fixing your bugs we will also solve world hunger)

I usually find the business stake holders' perspective the most interesting. They usually begin the conversation by letting us know when they would like the project to end. So they go mainly like, "we would like to end the project this summer so what kind of functionally can push to the users by that time-frame?" Now that's a trick Q. Why? The reason this is a trick Q, coz they will follow the Q by an answer of itself. "Oh don't forget the 1,735 page requirement document we sent you. It is extremely imperative we have all the 160,489 use case in the live system."

Now this usually has a predictable and consistent response from sales and a consultant like me. WTF!!!

In consulting different terms mean differently, depending on who's perspective you looking at. Its kinda like when you tell your wife, you are going to out drinking on sat night with a bunch of guys and she says "Go ahead, do it"....
Woman's perspective: "I dare you to do it" (don't do it bro..)
Mans perspective...YEAHHHH!!!

The same way in consulting terms mean different for a customer and consultants. I tried to get a few which I could think of.

	Customer perspective	Consultant/Consulting perspective
Bug free system	Bug free system Something the sales promised to the CTO who promised to CFO who promised to CEO who promised to stake holders …you get the idea	Imaginary system. Kinda like santa clause ...doesn't exists.
Onsite	Need someone to whine to and blame for our problems	A guy you keep in front of customer so that they can kick his a$$
Offshore	The best cost-reducing strategy known to man.	Mid night calls. (I am not allowed to write more on this)
Open source software	The second best cost-reducing strategy known t.	Usually used when there is no budget for software No documentation.No support. Plenty of bugs.
Project status = Green	All's well and project on track	All's well and project on track (but we don’t know when is dooms day
Project status = Yellow	There is a small issue and we need to resolve it	There is a major problem we have no idea but we cant tell the customer right away.
Project status = Red	Dude, we are doomed	Dude, we are doomed. Doom's day milestone achieved a day early
Priority 1 bug	Need it fix ASAP. The color of blue should be changed to Red	Need it fix ASAP. Solve it before the bug report is sent to PM or call it a “new feature”
Change Request	Nothings a CR. Everything is in scope	Running behind schedule then all bugs are tagged as CR
Quick response is appreciated	I need the answer right away	Please delay as much as possible so that I can lurk around in the cafeteria a little longer
Loyal employee	Can’t get a job anywhere.	No such thing.
Teamwork	Lot of people doing what I say	A Team that does all the work
Appreciation	John is an invaluable "ass"et to the project, could he start working week ends also	Something which looks good on paper and has no influence or value on appraisal
Appraisal	Does not exist.	I concur. Does not exist

I just wanted to reflect on some thoughts i have had during consulting. There are way more dimensions and perspectives to consulting then i could simplify here. And there are plenty of things you will agree/disagree/laugh or curse me for. I just tried to scrub the surface of this versatile industry as i understand.....But then ....what do I know

Comedy of errors

Over the past few years, i have had a series of mishaps. My wife tags it as disasters, I call them comedy of errors. Now be it the microwave burning while talking to a chick in the hallway or using a fire extinguisher to make Maggie noodles (dont even ask how) or how i lost 4 phones in a span of 3 months.

A coupla years back on one of my assignments with IBM, i was on a conference call with about 30 folks (u all know how those calls are). I had a VP of Sales, Mr.Timbuktu. He was on a mad rampage and would not let anyone speak on the call. This fiesta went on for about 20-25 mins of the 30 min call we had...ARGHH. So I decided to vent out some of my anger by IMing my associate Captain GoGo (..of course i am not going to list out the real names)

me: Dude...when will Timbuktu stop. Hes driving me nuts. I wish he'd stop right now..my brains are fried
(brief pause)
Timbuktu : oh, i will stop right now.
(oh gosh!! i had IMed my VP instead of my associate, telling him hes an idiot. How can i do that. People who know me said "Only you can do that")
me: Sign out

The next day we had a awkward moment, but then we laughed over it.

I have had a few comedy of errors in my life in things I have done or said or even heard. I went to a school in Mumbai PCT college of Engg..(almost as famous or infamuous as MIT ...lol who am i kidding). Apart from valuable lessons on Engg I also learned Pinglish (PCT-English) . Some of the moments we still revlive ...

A professor in a telecomm branch catches 3 students copying in class. He asks them to stand up and...

Prof: You both all 3 get out .......(both..all 3 huh)
Prof: Also i want you to get all your fathers
(all your fathers ..are you kidding me)

Prof: oh wait ...u get your mother ur father and both ur parents

I was in the Computer Engg and file submission is the most critical time in the 4 year of college and no matter how much i tried i never got my file submitted on time...So i reach to college very early (the next day of submission) and the prof has just come in.... My prof is this guy who's english is kinda like minglish (marathi + english). So i go in the lab

me: Sir, may i come in

Prof: kashala (why)

me: Sir, file submission

Prof: aree....सकल सकल डोका नाकू फिराव (sakal sakal dok nako phirav)

me :excuse me what???? (now i am desi guju guy, me no speak marathi)

Prof: Morning Morning dont rotate my head ...(Rotate...huh...oh wait he translated it literally) .

Prof : Go open the doors of the windows and let the atmosphere come in. (!!! atmosphere!! ..at that point i had to leave)

I love giving exams (ya rite!) specially the surprise tests. They are best not because they are taken unannounced and you are shocked but its the surprise you get after the tests...

Aree dude, aaj mera surprise test tha. Waise to maine pura paper attempt kiya but I think mera ek answer to surely right hai. (pure paper mein ek answer...waah mere einstein).

The surprise comes when you get the tests back you realize you get 0/100. If the profs could negative i am sure they would. Speaking of surprise tests i remember something which happened in a Telecomm class

Prof: Students i am going to take a surprise test

students: ahhhhh

Prof: Yes, surprise test ....any Thursday of next week. OK.

Really, so much for the surprise.

I am sure my class mates have much more to add on to this, i hope i can reach out to some of them and add thier Pinglish here.

Me, myself and google

google
noun
1.
a widely used search engine that uses text-matching techniques to find web pages that are important and relevant to a user's search


Like any other human being on this planet i am hugely dependent on google. Its no secret that is one of the best thing that has happened to most of us but where are we heading with it and how far we got there...

No point looking at the pristine past, there is a zillion web pages and books which describe the rise of google.

But how far can we take the dependency on search. I am sure in a coming decades we will be able to not only search our desktop, world wide web, documents,the EARTH but also our brains. May be i am google "where is my black jacket" and it comes back with "Its in the laundramat (you moron). Here is the google map link to get you there"

A new article put this out "A NEW Google program powered by artificial intelligence allows internet users to search web pages 24 hours before they're created"'
BEFORE THEY ARE CREATED, are you shitting me....

(Dont know the authenticity) There is an initiative to promote AD'a via cell phone. So the days of getting promotions on cell phone are long gone. The smart technology is going to use the cell phone signals and send you promotions and ad's based on your location. So the next time you are walking on 6th avenue, you might get the 20% discount coupon for Bloomingdales or the next time you are looking fake Gucci bags in China town you may have a google map sent to you on where to find chinese loooking japanese selling $30 Gucci bags..you never know.

The company which whos first-quarter net income rose to $1.4 billion (despite the stock almost down 40% from in a year) is gaining on in every region be it health care,entertainment or technology..the list is endless.

NO. They havent hired me on promoting it, but i have to give my own respects to something that is start my day with. I am well aware of the school of thought that exposes the dark side of "google" addiction but for now "Google 2084" is on track. But then....what do i know.

The first one

So i wake up from a deep tech hibernation to find out world is all ahead of me with Facebook, Twitter ...Suddenly having a iPhone or a blackberry or an equivalent toy is a must.

So i had to rattle some gray matter and think of rejoining the new mad surge. So the obvious thing to ride this surge was to begin blogging (which means i am now only 10 years behind the tech revolution). I also got myself a new twitter account



So since this is the #1 blog i thought i will introduce "me" on my own blog (sounds like a new Paradox)...



So "me"....



...is also called as "topi"
....is a huge a huge fan of NY Giants, Spurs and Yankees
...is a Software Geek who works @ Consulting firm in NY

...is a couch potoato who loves to watch movies and sports all day
...is absolutely not a morning person
...loves desi food to the core
...does not follow politics (but does know all the possible political scandals)
...does not believe in astrology or numerology (and hard work either but wudnt admit it) but believes strongly in destiny
...is hugely unpredictable, very disciplined, passionate about career and can gossip all day
...is big time faatoo a.k.a scared of sky diving, deep sea cruises, bungee jumping
...is a lucky SOB to have a loving and supportive wife, great gang of friends and a sweet family for whom he would die for (surprisingly they'd do the same for him)

Thats what i think about "me"......but then what do I know ........